“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” Gandhi
What is the first thing we often think of after someone has wronged or disrespected us?
Getting even.
It’s human nature to want to inflict the same kind of pain and punishment on our attackers, but at the end of the day what does that really accomplish? Yes, you might gain some temporary satisfaction, but inevitably you’ll find yourself riddled with disappointment that you’ve compromised who you really are simply to get even.
Of late I’ve been struggling with this – so angered and frustrated by others complete disregard and disrespect that I’ve actually contemplated stooping to their levels simply to gain retribution.
But each time the thought pops into my head I begin to realize something. Life isn’t a game and simply getting even doesn’t mean you’ve won the battle, it just means you’ve lost your self-respect.
I’d like to think that being a person of character will not go unrewarded. That relinquishing all the bitterness we harbor in our hearts will allow our own lives to flourish.
I’m reminded of something Helen Keller once said: “We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
“Advertising is the art of persuasion.”
- William Bernbach
When you sit down and think about the reasons why you might purchase bottled water, it all boils down to one concept – Manufactured Demand.
By scaring us, seducing us and misleading us, large corporations all over the globe are persuading us that our lives simply cannot exist without their product. Sadly, they know that the impressionable minds of this society will buy into their slick ad campaigns, which appeal to our emotions rather than our intellect.
I urge you all to take a look at the following video:
The Story of Bottled Water
It’s a short, informative and disturbing look into the mechanics of the bottled water industry.
May
Undoubtedly, much of the life we live is based on our individual interpretations. From artwork to relationships, everyone interprets things differently which helps to create a world of uniqueness.
When I first heard the song “Lift Me Up” by The Afters, I had no idea that their pop-rock sound and the underlying meaning was deeply rooted in Christianity. But after doing a little research I discovered they were a Contemporary Christian group, and the person they referenced in the song was in fact God.
What’s funny about all this is how I was thinking of someone completely different when I first heard the lyrics. That got me to thinking that while our belief in a higher power may be important, believing in someone where you are right now is invaluable.
My wife was the first person I thought of – for you it might be a parent or a friend or someone else entirely. Regardless of who that person might be, I hope your life and your beliefs can be found in more than just a higher power. For there are some powerful individuals here on earth who possess the amazing ability to somehow lift us up.
Lift Me Up by The Afters
Waiting for the sunrise, waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign, that I’m where you want me to be
You know my heart is heavy, and the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up, you’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes, but when I hit the ground
You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go
I know I’m not perfect, I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down, but you love me the same
And when I’m surrounded, when I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down, you are here to
Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go
Victoria Holt once said, “Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
I’ve been having that problem lately. After six years at a very secure job, I decided to take a chance, a risk, and try something new and more befitting of my skillset.
Believe me, it was not an easy choice. Should I do what was safe or take a chance in the hopes that I was entering a new phase of my life filled with opportunities?
Sadly, after several months, I realized I was deceived by this new opportunity and found myself unsure of what the future would hold for me.
I started to grow angry with myself for making such a poor decision – for leaving the comfort and security of my previous employer for something unknown. My self-worth began to suffer and I found myself sliding into a state of depression that I didn’t want to return to again.
But Holt’s words rang true for me. She reminded me that there really are NO mistakes in life, just bad experiences. And as long as we learn something valuable from those experiences, it will only enrich our lives as we continue to grow. While it might not seem like it right away, in time you will find a lesson learned.
Life is all about taking chances. Unfortunately none of us possess a window into the future, so on occasion we might stumble and look back with regret over the choices we’ve made. But as Paul Tillich once said, “He who risks and fails can be forgiven. He who never risks and never fails is a failure in his whole being.”
There are times in everyone’s life when we discover that the only way to bring about a positive change is to reinvent ourselves.
Now I’m not saying to radically change who you are and what you’ve become. But rather to look outside your comfort zone and understand that many times “change” can lead you down the path of opportunity.
Complacency can be a dangerous word. It provides us comfort and security, but oftentimes leaves little room for us to grow and find our true happiness in life.
Change is an unknown reality – no one is arguing that point. But once you set aside the fear and anxiety so many of us feel over trying something unfamiliar, you’re allowing your life the chance to progress; to find fulfillment; to connect with someone who might be feeling some of the same things that you are.
Steve Chandler is the author of Reinventing Yourself: How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be. He has this challenge for his readers: “Write down 10 things you would do in your life if you had absolutely no fear. Then pick one of them and do it.”
May
There are two things you can do when you’re feeling emotionally down – you can either succumb to the feeling while sitting on the couch in a vegetative state or you can try to build up some positive energy with a little light exercise.
Today I was facing such a decision. Feeling pretty low, I reviewed the above choices and was leaning towards the vegetative state. But deep down I knew I needed to get out and try to make something of the day. So I grabbed my iPod and went for a stroll around town.
It wasn’t a particularly sunny day – mainly cloudy and cold, which didn’t help inspire my spirit much. I had no planned route in my head. I just went wherever my feet felt like going and before long I found myself standing at the entrance of a small park on the other side of town.
The park was very familiar to me and almost immediately I felt a feeling of warmth and comfort engulf my body. I hesitated at first, but then slowly made my way through a chain-link gate which I had crossed through dozens of times before. It was nice to see that not much had changed since the last time I visited.
As I stood in the center of the park and looked over my left shoulder, I saw the house I had grown up loving as a child. A house which always brought me unconditional love and support; a place I knew I could always go and feel accepted.
It was my grandparents’ house. Well, it used to be before they sold it some five years ago to move into a one floor apartment due to my grandfather’s failing health. Admittedly, the house wasn’t as meticulously maintained as my grandparents had kept it, but it still appeared familiar.
Alone in the park environment, I just stood there staring at the house and remembering all the wonderful times I spent with my grandparents. Regardless of the visit, we inevitably wound up at the park which was right around the corner from their house. I could still see grandma looking out the kitchen window and waving to me as I played on the swings. I could almost still see her standing there today.
As I made my way around the park, my mind flooded by a sea of joyful memories, tears began to fall from my eyes. I remember thinking that so much had changed since my childhood and there were no longer people looking out the window telling me what to do and protecting me from a cruel and sometimes heartless world. That job was now my own – the part of being an adult they don’t often tell you when you’re a teenager. How I longed for the safety and security that came from that house and the two people who resided there for some 50 years.
I stayed in the park for about 20 minutes and in that time I found myself smiling – not because I’d discovered the answers to all my problems, but because I remembered how fortunate I’ve been to have known some truly amazing people who’ve inspired me along the way.
The television show The Wonder Years said it best: “Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”
There’s been a lot of debate surrounding how to measure a student’s success in the classroom – standardized testing being the only answer anyone can seem to come up with.
I’d like to quote the National Research Council (NRC) of the National Academy of Sciences, which issued a report from its Board on Testing and Assessment.
“…a test score is not an exact measure of a student’s knowledge or skills…no single test score can be considered a definitive measure of a student’s knowledge.”
And yet America continues to use testing as the only determination on how effective a teacher has been in the classroom or how intelligent and advanced a student might be.
I consider myself fairly intelligent, yet I can tell you without fail that I’m a terrible test taker. Anxieties inevitably creep in and before long have derailed my best efforts to score high. We put so much pressure on our youngsters – telling them that the only measure of their success lies in high, standardized test scores.
While I understand the need for measurement in our schools, we can no longer be naïve enough to believe that the only tool by which we can measure success is standardized tests. Success is a very broad word. To simply judge a student by the answers on a piece of paper is doing them a disservice and shaping their future in a negative direction.
Perhaps our nation should petition the organizations creating standardized tests to think out of the box. Why should we continue to incur high fees for the same old product in an age where big ideas are exploding everywhere? Maybe I’m a cynic, but I can’t help but wonder if someone in the testing organization has a friend in Washington…well, you know where I’m going with this.
Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar has this to say about “success”.
“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”
When I was younger, my grandfather and my father provided me with invaluable knowledge about homeownership – most notably the endless array of do-it-yourself projects.
I consider myself fairly handy and willing to try just about anything, within reason, before picking up the phone to call the professionals. I’ll admit there’s a certain feeling of gratification in knowing you’ve successfully completed a project and thus saved yourself a little cash is the process.
But there are just some things I should not attempt and that’s plumbing work. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now, especially given the fact that last year it took me two days to replace the faucet on my bathroom sink. But pride often prevents us from stepping back and looking at a situation rationally and realistically. If I had, I wouldn’t be staring at an open hole in the wall where my bathtub spout used to be.
While it would be nice if we were all able to handle every situation life throws at us, it’s simply impossible. We are all good at a handful of things and those are the things we should stick with. Some people just cannot bake; others have difficulty using computers; and some of us should steer clear of the plumbing aisle.
There’s nothing wrong with trying something new, but it’s important to remember when it’s time to cut your losses.
Apr
My wife and I visit my grandmother on a weekly basis, and for the most part her behavior and appearance is consistent. But not last week.
Though stricken with a moderate case of Alzheimer’s disease, the 91 year old still manages to laugh and smile when she can. But on this visit she just wasn’t right.
Alone a majority of her days, I can’t help but wonder if the smile on her face whenever we’re there is just a cover for utter loneliness and sadness. After all so many people she once loved and enjoyed are no longer a part of this world – people like my grandfather who she was married to for a little over 60 years.
While my grandparent’s relationship was far from perfect, when you’ve spent 6 decades with a person it’s hard not to find a deep affection and appreciation for them. And while their emotions were often concealed, I do believe they loved each other very much.
Much of that night I was reminded of her younger self and the many times I was in their company together. A much younger pair who I always believed would stay that way, but aging often takes a toll on the normalcy we so often take for granted.
My grandmother is not afraid to die. As she says often, “I’ve lived a good life” – I guess that’s all you could really wish for, right? But I can’t help but wonder if she finds solace in knowing that when she does pass into the next life she’ll see those who have gone before her like cherished friends, her family and of course a quiet guy named “Howie” who she knew for over 60 years.
The evening reminded me of a song which is simply and beautifully sung by country singer Mary Chapin Carpenter and written by the late John Lennon.
It’s called “Grow Old With Me.”
Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love, God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love, God bless our love
Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end, World without end
Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love, God bless our love
Apr
HOPE by C. Ruvere
A baby boy, so small and frail,
For he was born too soon.
His daddy dreams, he’ll see the day,
He’ll try and catch the moon.
He questions God, and questions faith,
He looks for anyone, he can blame.
So many things we’ll never know.
Just don’t give up, don’t give up on hope.
A teenage girl, shy and alone,
How she longs to dance.
So many boys, but no one asks,
She doesn’t understand.
She questions God, and questions faith,
As tears fall down her innocent face.
So many things we’ll never know.
Just don’t give up, don’t give up on hope.
BRIDGE:
The battles we are faced with,
Are more than one can bare.
At the end of your rope, there’s one thing to know.
Just don’t give up on hope.
A married man, in search of more,
Than what he has at home.
His high school love, and two young girls,
And still he feels alone.
He questions God, and questions faith,
He needs a reason why he should stay.
So many things we’ll never know.
Just don’t give up, don’t give up on hope.
© 2004, C. Ruvere
